2020 INSIGHTS

 


Hello! I'm here again after one freaking year. Did I do this on purpose? No. Will I do it again? Maybe. I didn't plan to abandon this treasure of mine this long. I don't know what happened but I lost track of writing in this blog. I just couldn't find the way in haha! What a long excuse huh? Anyway, I'm back and just like my previous post, I'm gonna talk about things that happened throughout the year and the very specific lessons I learned. Hmm maybe a little more interesting? I don't know you're the judge now. I couldn't promise you this is gonna be a short post so get ready okay? Let's go. 


Oops, I almost forgot to wish you a Happy New Year! I know, we are approaching February soon but I was too busy to update a post in December, so it is not too late right? tehee. Well, actually it was kinda blurry of what happened at the beginning of the year, it all came way too fast and all I know is we were all caught up in a very miserable, suffocating situation with the pandemic and all. But I'll try my best to recap everything.


The beginning of the year went well as usual where I went to classes, had some fun with friends, ate good foods and had good laughs then bam! March greeted us with a whole bunch of surprises. I was stuck at USM for almost a month I guess. Luckily I still got company with me. It was pretty lonely though but I made it through. Basically, my life in 2020 was all about staying at home and receiving an illogical amount of assignments. Emm maybe I did go out sometimes when the cases in my area weren't that high. And that was the moment I noticed being able to go out and be free is actually a privilege. 


If I were to describe 2020 in one word, it would be madness. 2020 is absolute madness. A lot happened in the same year that I felt the need to disappear hahaha just for a moment so that I could get a grip of everything and get my shi- together. But everyone knows that is not gonna happen. So what did I do? I turned everything negative into positive thinking. You have a lot of assignments due? You'll finish them soon no matter what, take it slow. You are having a hard time with yourself? Do something nice for yourself/pamper yourself. Look, this might sound like 'easier said than done' but I promise you, having a positive state of mind really helps a lot in various situations. There are times you couldn't do it to yourself, then find someone you can talk to, let it all out. That was what I basically did whenever I was in a dark place. Your mind and heart can trap you into a dark place sometimes so do not let it overpower you, find someone or something that helps you to get out of it okay?


So the rest of the year went very well but nothing interesting occurred, just me doing me haha. I don't know but I am happy that I lost and found myself in the same year. Lost as in it was hard to make myself a priority and do what's best for me but at the end of the day, I found her and I do not plan to lose her again, nope not this time. My confidence elevates way more than I could ever imagine and I love that a lot! I realized that I am more daring to do whatever makes me happy. I guess I'm no longer the old me (cant believe I'm saying thisss) and I'm proud of myself *pats my head* 


2020 was a year full of unexpected things and that made me happy. Why would you be sad about what God has written for you, there must be a ton of good reasons why He is putting you through all that and in my case, I am so content I got to go through what I went through. I met a lot of amazing people in this year and couldn't be more grateful to have people with a big heart, I am literally surrounded by angels. Meeting a lot of people really give me different perspectives on life and the way I see things. Here are some of the lessons I learned throughout the year.


1. You got you 

It's okay to not have a company when you go out. It's fine to be all by yourself at the grocery alley. It's totally normal not knowing whom to call to ask for the company when you feel like hanging out. If nobody got your back, you got you. 2020 is the year I learned to do a lot of things alone and never have I not enjoyed any moment of it. I learned that it is absolutely fine to walk alone in the mall, shop for your favorite clothes, try the new ice cream, have lunch alone, etc. In fact, this makes me happy. Do not rely your happiness on anyone or anything, never. Been there, done that and regretted it. 


2. Know whom to let in your circle

This point, my friend is very important. My no-limit-takpalah ass allowed a number of people to get into my circle and ruined it. Well, it might be one person or maybe more who knows. But never do that to yourself. Please, kick them out once you have seen the red flags. I have encountered not one, not two but maybe about a hundred red flags but still let them in because I believe they have a good heart it just that they need help to change. What an innocent Farah...I know. That was the biggest mistake I have done and learned my lesson the tough way. One thing I noticed about this what we called 'toxic' person is that they never really care. They are just there with you and treat you nicely when you are beneficial to them and treat you like an option once you are no longer needed because they know you are always there no matter how bad their treatment is, you forgive and forget. Believe me, you do not want this type of person to stay in your circle, it's gonna be a hell of a ride. Learn whom to let in and whom to ignore.


3. If you're a giver, remember to learn your limits because the takers don't have any

I can say I'm the type of person who will give my 300% to someone who is only willing to give his/her 50%. One word, dumb. Never do that okay do not repeat my mistake. What happens when you do that? They will get comfortable with giving their 50% and never want to improve themselves to make you their 300%. People will take advantage of you and just treat you as if you are heartless and couldn't bother to care for you. Be it your friends, family or partner, do not give way more than they offer. Always put a limit on everything, and prioritize yourself in a way you do not regret giving your all if one day they choose to turn their back on you.


4. Small progress is still a progress

I used to hate having small progress and considered it as no-progress progress, if you know what I mean. I felt unproductive and hated myself for it. If you are in the same boat as me, remember that even if you do small things like 3% out of the entire task, it is still a progress and you should be proud of yourself. At least you are working on it little by little instead of procrastinating. You are doing great, keep doing it until you get there. Once I developed this mindset, I felt less wretch and able to focus on my small tasks then proceed with bigger ones.


5. Nobody really cares, you do you

What I meant by that point is just do what you want to do. I understand sometimes the only thing that stops us from doing what we want to do is people's judgments. We care too much about what people are gonna say, what they expect from us and so on. But honey let me tell you, people don't care as much as you thought they do. That's because everyone is focused on their problems, on themselves and everyone is basically in their own world. Maybe they do for 5 mins when they meet you or when they see your pictures on Instagram etc. They will just double tap and continue their life. They do not think about what brand your bag is, the shoes that you wear or what car you drive in their daily routine. Having this mindset really boost my confidence. I started to wear what I want, present myself as how I want to be and basically just do what makes me, me. You want to wear a beanie and boots to the mall? Go for it girl. You opt for different eyeshadows on each eyelid? Just freaking do it. Be you, be extra cause nobody cares. Even if there might be some people who would stick their nose into your business, just do your own thing cause not everything needs your reaction.


To wrap it all up, 2020 was a great year for me. It was also the same year I learned that forgiveness isn't a weakness, even if you did not receive the apology you deserved. Holding grudges and storing hatred in your heart will not make you any better than the person who hurt you, you are basically the same level as them. Forgive people as much as you want to be forgiven. Being kind is not easy but I promise you it is worth it. Never stop being kind just because of some people. It was also the same year I broke promises I made to myself just because I thought that will make people appreciate me more and I am not sure when will I be able to forgive myself.


And to you who are reading this, I just want to say I am proud of you. Look at where you are now, all those negative thoughts lingering on your mind or the thought of you not being able to survive the hard times...you actually made it! YOU.MADE.IT. And I am so happy for who you have become today. Look at you in the past and look at yourself now, what an evolution. You have survived the hard times and you are gonna make it again okay? *hugs


Thank you so much for reading, till next update! x

4 comments:

  1. happy new year and thanks for this post. be proud of yourself too okay? take care :D

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    1. will do! thanks for reading, stay safe <3

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