Have you ever wished a person to die? Yeap, that's how dark my heart was well, maybe still is. How bad I was that wishing death upon someone is the only thing that's gonna make me happy. Wait, will I? 

Before that, this post is gonna be about a heartbreak story of mine and I have nobody to tell this to, well I have many friends but it'll be a burden to them and they will get tired of it eventually. So, if you arent into this or whatever here's a sign to stop reading :) And to those who insist on reading this, it means that you care or maybe just curious idk, but thank you I appreciate that.


Hello! I'm here again after one freaking year. Did I do this on purpose? No. Will I do it again? Maybe. I didn't plan to abandon this treasure of mine this long. I don't know what happened but I lost track of writing in this blog. I just couldn't find the way in haha! What a long excuse huh? Anyway, I'm back and just like my previous post, I'm gonna talk about things that happened throughout the year and the very specific lessons I learned. Hmm maybe a little more interesting? I don't know you're the judge now. I couldn't promise you this is gonna be a short post so get ready okay? Let's go. 

Hello! I'm back from a veryyy long hiatus on this blog. Been really busy with everything (read: studio projects, assignments, dates haha!) Nah I'm just a lazy potato avoiding any updates on my blog. This time I'm going to sum up my whole 2019 from good to bad and many more. Just so you know I've never felt so much in a year. It was a hell of a ride and I survived!! That's what matters the most, as long as I don't die halfway fighting then I'll keep going.

To be frank it gets awkward having to write such a long essay cause I've been abandoning this blog since forever but let's just start with the very beginning of the year. I did a very stupid thing called a confession. I confessed to someone with no solid reason on new year's eve, I mean I don't even know why I did that to myself but I just did anyway and I've never been so bold in my entire life lol. Long story short, it didn't turn out well and that's okay! I wasn't sad nor was I disappointed, I didn't feel anything at all maybe because I knew the answer from the start. 

Okay dokey enough with the nonsense I made myself do. I spent my entire semester break crafting, drawing, sewing, cooking/baking well basically the things I love to do the most but had to give it a break just to focus on my degree. So I took the chance to do them all during the break and not once I regretted it. My biggest mistake was I didn't practice or study architecture that much, even the drawings I made were basically not related to my course. I really needed some time to myself and avoided anything related to my course cause I felt miserable and all I wanted to do is to run away from it just for a little while. I should have worked during the break but oh well. I was so so happy the entire break as I got to do things I love, spent most of my time at home eating homemade foods.

The rest of the year went very well not until I entered the third semester of my degree. This is the toughest sem so far. I went from being happy even on the night of crit session to crying almost every night. I cried not because of regretting my decision but I felt the pressure. I felt overwhelmed by the expectations of the people around me especially my parents'. I was scared I'll fail them, I'll become a failure. I struggled to find the ideas for each of my projects. I struggled to do things up to my lecturers' expectations. I didn't feel like myself, I lost interest in a lot of things. The things I love doing didn't excite me anymore, the things I was good at are no longer my strengths. I totally lost myself. Not being overdramatic over here but I was sad and miserable. I didn't do well in most of my projects for this sem, nothing to be proud of. I was scared, so scared I'll be a disappointment to everyone. I was so worried I'll never be good enough. To cover it up and to avoid thinking too deeply about it, I usually distracted myself by cooking, went to watch movies and spent some time with my favorite persons. But at the end of the day, I cried myself to sleep thinking how bad I was literally in everything I did. Sometimes if the feelings were too much to be handled I'll let them all out and got better afterward. Other than that, I just muttered some positive words to myself until I felt okay for the day or before I went to sleep. This whole worrying and overthinking stuff were tiring and draining, I wish I knew how to stop it and handled things well.

I don't want to feel that way anymore and I'm hoping 2020 will give me more reasons to smile and be happy even when things get tough. I'm hoping that I could handle stress under pressure better. 2019 really shows me that I'm no longer a baby cause I've always had this image where I'm still a 12-year-old girl stuck in a 20-year-old body. I noticed that the way I act, make decisions and think are kind of childish and this year I really tried to go out of my comfort zone, be more matured and less relying on people. I'm proud that I survived such a phase where it all came at once and I almost lost my entire self. I'm so glad that I didn't give up this battle. I'm more than grateful to be surrounded by true friends and my lovely family members.

I've changed a lot, it may not be obvious to some people but I feel it in me. I changed the way I think and the way I see things. I've done a lot of things I've never tried before in my entire life this year and they are both good and bad. I broke my promises for some people. I crossed the line I set for myself. I went overboard in some situations that it even surprised me sometimes. I cared about what people think of me a lot that it affected me in every way. 2019 is the most sensitive and miserable year so far, I cried a lot and doubted myself most of the time. But thank you to every single soul who stayed with me especially my true friends, my family members who never get tired of how annoying I can be.

I can't wait for 2020 and what it can offer me. My only wish is that I want to be happier, surrounded by people who love me as much as I love them and give my best in everything I do. How about you?

Thank you for reading x
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Assalamualaikum and hi! Back with another random post. I just got the time to update my blog since I just finished my final exam (it didn't go well please pray for me!) This time, I'm just going to make it short and straight to where I wanted to highlight which is the miracles that happened to me when I sought for His help especially when I desperately in need of His answers. I'm here to share how I always practice my du'a, what happened, the way He answered and so forth. (p.s this will be a long post okie)

First and foremost, I started to make "du'a" as my routine ever since I read a few articles while surfing through the internet and I also listened to a few talks during my free time after SPM. The routine I mentioned earlier is about making du'a even on small things like asking for Him to make my scarf 'well-behaved', pray for the things I'm going to buy still has stocks and so on. It may sound silly but it works every time. I can feel as if everything I'm going through is smooth and happen as planned. To be frank, it was hard at first since I always, always forgot to pray and just got all moody when things didn't go well. Before I started making it a routine, I kept praying for other people. Whenever I see someone struggling or look miserable, I'll just pray for them on the spot. For example, "Ya Allah pakcik tu bawa beca takda orang pun naik, murahkanlah rezeki dia bagi ramai orang naik", "Ya Allah, makcik tu naik bas sorang-sorang, selamatkanlah perjalanan beliau sampai ke destinasi", "Ya Allah,  murahkanlah rezeki pakcik yang minta sedekah tu bagi ada duit cukup untuk makan dan tanggung hidup". These are examples of how I always practice praying for others. I'll try my best to be specific and clear in my du'a. Now, that I've been practicing it, it's like a must for me to pray for others and I somehow feel bad not doing so.

Next is about personal du'as. The best time I prefer to make du'a is when it's raining and in the morning around 2 a.m to 4 a.m. It's best to start off by praising Him then proceed with your du'a. I pray even on tiny things. I used to pray for a new phone haha so I just went like "Ya Allah phone aku ni macam dah tak best lah guna, aku nak phone baru kalau boleh nak .... aku mintak sangat boleh dapat dalam masa terdekat ni secepat mungkin". And there was this one time I didn't feel good at wearing white shawl I got so anxious about it. I just prayed right away "Ya Allah aku tak yakinlah nak pakai tudung putih nanti. Kau bagilah aku rasa yakin macam orang lain dan bagi aku rasa gembira dengan diri aku" To be honest, everything seemed fine right after I put on my shawl. I felt happy the entire day and didn't feel insecure as I usually will and I even took a lot of pictures (I usually don't with something I'm uncomfortable/insecure with).

There were times where I got my heart broken from my expectations and love hihi. I once asked Him to show me if the specific person is meant to be mine, and He answered me the next day. I was confused and shocked at the same time at how fast He allowed me to know the answers to my du'as. I couldn't be happier to know the fact that He actually listened to me and it brought tears to my eyes when he answered my prayer. Lately, I feel as if I'm being too wasteful and ungrateful in what I have as I keep on comparing myself with others so there this one night I prayed to him; "Ya Allah aku ni macam dah tak bersyukur dengan apa aku ada, aku selalu compare diri dengan orang lain. Kau berilah aku kesedaran dalam apa jua bentuk supaya aku lebih bersyukur dan hargai apa aku ada". Surprisingly, He is slowly answering my du'a until now. He sent me someone with difficulties to open up my eyes, He showed me how people are facing problems trying to attain what I already have, He sent me someone who is very happy with what she has even though it is nothing for other people. This is what I call the power of du'a, slowly but surely. And whenever I feel jealous of someone, I'll also make du'a; "Ya Allah aku tahu aku tak patut ada rasa jealous dengan .... kau buanglah rasa iri hati ni dan bagilah aku selalu rasa bersyukur".

I'd be lying if I said I've never felt unworthy in term of asking for what I desire because I'm a sinner and I feel as if all of my du'as don't deserve to be heard or fulfilled due to my sins. The moment that feeling strikes me, I'll shove it off and believe that He'll always listen because He is forgiving and I'll always ask for His forgiveness. Of course, there are du'as which have not been fulfilled and I would always think positively. Maybe He will replace it with something better in the future as it is bad for me to have it now. Allah knows what's best for us, never doubt Him.

I'm sorry for writing too long. My main intention is to share with you how du'a helped me in my everyday life and the benefits of it. I'm writing this not to gain any praises nor am I showing off how religious I am. I just want to encourage you to keep on praying even on small things because He listens, always.

Thank you so much for reading.
Till next time <3


1. Open PicsArt app and tap on the (+) symbol (make sure you have an internet connection)

2. Scroll down until you find Color Backgrounds and swipe until the end then tap on Color Picker and choose the color for your background

3. Pick Tools, tap on Crop and tap twice on 16:9 canvas size then choose Apply on the top right of your screen

4. Swipe the menu bar to the left then tap on Add Photo. You can add in 10 photos at a time to your canvas

5. Resize and position the photos according to your preference and you can add sticker, text, more photos by tapping on the (+) at the bottom left of your screen

6. You may also try to use the Blend, Free Crop or use the Effect provided and be creative with your editing

7. After you have arranged and edited your picture, choose Apply then Next. Tap on Save and choose save picture on your device


1. Open Inshot then choose Video

2. Upload a video of screen recorded song. I usually screen record song on youtube

3. Choose Trim then shorten the video to 15 seconds

4. Tap on Canvas then choose 9:16 and tap on the tick icon

5. Go to Sticker then choose the image icon next to the bag icon. Upload your photo and make sure to fix it to the canvas perfectly

6. Tap on the icon at the top right of your screen to save and you can directly upload the video on Instagram story

Here's my simple tutorial as requested on how I edited my Instagram story. I'm so sorry for taking so long to do this because I didn't have the 'mood' to update my blog these past few days. For some of you who asked me where did I get the pixel pictures, how I edit the pictures that have transparent background and how to find nice, aesthetic pictures like I always do, the answer is Google and keyword. 

To find pixel pictures, use the keyword "pixel aesthetic tumblr". To find pictures with transparent background you have to use the word "png" at the end and add the word "aesthetic" at the end to find tumblr-ish pictures. Thank me later ;)

If you have any question or if there's any part of my tutorial that you don't get, feel free to DM me on my Instagram. 

Bye! x

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You have no idea how thankful I am for the music industry that's producing a variety of music genres be it R&B, Pop, Reggae, Indie Pop and a lot more on the list. In today's post, I'm going to tell you what type of music I prefer to listen to under different circumstances. You can share yours in the comment section below :)

I used to dislike (more to anti) sad songs back then when I was in secondary school just because I didn't want to feel down or sad, I'd rather not listen to any emotional/sad song at all than being sad and overthink while listening to them. Everything seems to change drastically now that I like being sad and listen to all of my sad songs, in a dark room lying there all by myself.  Well, I'm actually addicted to being emotional and 'dark'. I don't know how to describe it in detail but the idea of being sad gives me the satisfaction at some point.

I'm the type of person who prefers things that not all people are into it, for instance, I listen to some unpopular songs that you wouldn't even know the singers or songwriters exist and they actually produced great songs. I still listen to popular singers like Ariana Grande, Post Malone, Selena Gomez etc. but I'm more keen on finding my own aesthetic in songs.

My current favourite music genres are Indie Pop and Jazz. The main reason I love those type of genres is that I'm very fond of the way most of the singers/songwriters wrote their own songs. I like the way they deliver the message and me as a listener can relate to most of their lyrics. They wrote it from their hearts and every single word means a lot to them. Since I'm a poetry type of person I prefer something that's deep yet meaningful. These are my top 10 songs that never fail to make me emotional.

Some of you might find them boring or 'sleepy' but that's just how I like the songs to be; eloquent and soul-stirring. I'll listen to them all the time especially at night or in the evening on my bed. I like the calmness they give me when I put on my earphone and I'll think about everything I could possibly think of while listening. I used to like Billie Eilish a lot back then when she was less recognised to the point where I only have her songs on my playlist and listened to her all the time. Now that she's becoming a top singer and has lotsss of fans, the vibe is not the same anymore. Don't get me wrong, not that I dislike her for being successful, I just don't like sharing with that many people and I feel like it's not special anymore. I know this is selfish and weird and doesn't make any sense but that's what I feel and this is why I don't have a specific favourite singer/celebrity.

Other than the songs mentioned above, these are the songs that I listen to sometimes while setting up a new spirit in myself be it for studies, while doing some tasks or on a road trip as I want to have all the good vibes in me.

 So what's your current favourite song that you keep playing on repeat and stuck in your head?

Thank you for reading <3

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Don't let fear of insecurity stop you from trying new things. Believe in yourself. Do what you love. And most importantly, be kind to others even if you don't like them.  - Stacy London

Have you ever been in a situation where you don't feel good about yourself? I do feel it when I'm alone in my room, while waiting for the bus and most of the time in the shower. In today's post I'm going to write about my insecurities. Note that I'm writing this not to get all of the compliments and supportive words, I just want to share what I feel and it is okay if you feel the same way as I am.

        As a person with tanned skin, I'm very observant about every part of my body. Sometimes I would hide my hands in my pocket whenever I go out especially when I'm wearing a white top and avoid mirrors at the mall. I would also hide my hands in most of my pictures. I don't wear full face makeup or anything related to finding the product that suits my skin tone when I go out because first, it's hard I've tried it and second I'll be looking ashy and disgusting. I used to upload pictures of me in makeup but I hated it and deleted those pictures because I kind of feel fake like that's not me, that dark-circle-less girl in the picture is lying. I'm not saying that people who wear makeup are fake or anything, they look so beautiful I swear but when it comes to me, yucks! I dislike my feet too, this may sound weird to you but they turn so dry and dark. I'm not skinny nor am I fat, I'm just average. There are some parts of me that I dislike a lot like my thighs, arms, cheeks and dark circles. I just keep telling myself that Allah created me this way so that I won't be doing things that are forbidden or worse than what I'm doing now.
        I told my family about this and cried. I told them how much I hate myself, my skin. They always soothe me with compliments and tell me to accept myself for who I am. It's easier said than done. To be real honest, I've never taken any compliments as something that can make me love myself even more or something to be proud of because some people complimented in a sarcastic way and I have a trust issue. I appreciate those who really mean it though. But for me, praises are like the wind, passes by and gone. 

        I can be both slow and fast learner. Sometimes I find it hard to stay focus on what the person is teaching or talking and I will lose track of what's going on around me. That's because I think a lot, like a lot. I daydream a lot too that sometimes people will notice it. Basically, I will think of everything and mostly the things that make me feel down.
        As an Architecture student, I have to polish my drawing/sketching, model-making and other skills to make sure I do better in assignments and for the future. For me, all of my friends are so talented and they know well about everything and what they want. I'm like a lost cat that has no ideas what's going on. I kind of feel left behind. I have to run and speed up instead of walking to catch up with others. I'm not sure if I'm so blur or that's normal or I'm actually way far behind the others. But I know that's how student life is, we are not always on top.
        I feel insecure in a way people can be so out of the box and create their own shape while I'm stuck looking for a door to go out of the box. I definitely will work harder and never give up but sometimes these are the things that make me sad and feel so down.

Other than all the things mentioned above, I don't really know how to express my love towards my friends or family members verbally and physically like a hug or anything. I'm so scared they'll think I don't appreciate them as much and selfish. I just don't know how. I don't really say 'I love you' to my friends or family, that's just not me and it will turn out awkward as heck. And whenever my friends or family are sick or not feeling well I don't know how to show how worried I am, I'll just end up asking 'are you okay?' or 'have you taken the medicine?' once and that's it. I wish I could take care of them, give them the medication, help them in managing themselves when they are sick. Sorry for being so dramatic I just wish I can do that and not making it awkward for myself.

        I wish one day I can overcome my insecurities and be carefree. I want to feel good about myself too just like other pretty, confident girls out there. I want to be happy with who I am but for now, I'm still stuck with all of the dislikes I have in me.

Thank you for reading, till then <3

In this tutorial the app/website that we're going to be using is Canva. You can use other phone apps as well but I would like to suggest this app because it provides you the icons suitable for your highlight covers.

1. Go to Canva (the link should direct you to all designs page)

2. Scroll down until you find the Marketing section then look for Blog Graphic and
   click on it.

3. Click Elements on the left tab

4. Click Grids and choose the first picture displayed

5. Click on the picture then you can customise the colour of your picture by clicking
    the colour box on the top left then choose [+]

6. To add an icon, click Graphics then search for your desired icon (eg: laptop, car,

7. To add text, simply click on the Text and click Add a heading then you can
    customise it using the menu bar at the top section

8. Click the button next to Share button to download as JPG


1. Go to your profile

2. Tap on your highlight then choose more and tap on edit hightlight.

3. Tap edit cover and choose the picture that you've saved.

You have to repeat these steps for other highlights that you want to include on your profile.

There you go, now your highlights are looking neat and pretty!

Thank you for reading and don't forget to try <3

Assalamualaikum and hi! I just finished my first semester and been waiting for the right time to get back to writing and give you whole new contents in this blog. This time I come out with Instagram editing post since some of you might be wondering how I did most of my aesthetic-random type of Instagram stories.

Ever since I started creating those type of edits there are quite a number of people keep asking me how I did this and that and some even started doing the same thing I did and I'm more than happy to see many people being creative with editing!

You may refer to the pictures below for some of the edits I've done for my ig story (more in my Instagram highlight under 'edits') Note that I just did the editing job and most of the pictures aren't mine.

First thing first this post is about the editing merely using the tools in the Instagram app itself and at the end of this post, I'll also insert my favorite apps that I've been using to edit my pictures.

1. Word Blocks
This method is suitable for you to add a various range of colors to the text to make your story more pop-out and colorful.

Here's a simple one I did where I combine 3 range of colors. You can also use rainbow colors and a combination of pastel colors as well. You just have to go to the font icon on top right of your screen, type one letter and tap on the background icon on the top left of your screen then choose any color that you prefer for the background.

2. Multiple-range colored words

I'm not sure what to name it so I just simply created the name above lol. I guess many still don't know about this but it's really interesting and tricky at the same time. By using this method you can turn your words into something colorful and nice.

After you have typed in your words, highlight all of them then tap and hold the highlighted words (from the beginning) together with the color that you want. Next, move both fingers synchronizing the movement so that your words will turn into multiple color range. You can watch the video below if you still don't understand (I'm bad at explaining, sorry)

3. Solid/Blurry Background
For this method, you can either do the solid background(left) of the blurry background(right). Solid background will enable viewers to see only the erased part while viewers can still see the blurry background and the erased part for the second picture.

 All you have to do is tap on the pen icon, choose marker then tap and hold your screen until it turns into the color that you have chosen. Next, tap the eraser icon then rub the area that you want to let your viewers see. Same goes to the blurry background, choose the highlight icon next to marker then repeat the same step.

4. Shadow

This is the common method people usually used in their story.  If you found it boring and too mainstream to do that, you can play with different contra colors like yellow and pink, blue and yellow, yellow and red and many more depending on your creativity.

The apps that I frequently used to edit all of my pictures for Instagram story are HypeType, Inshot, Picsart and Phonto. All of these apps helped me in combining the pictures, to insert song, sketch and also contain many types of fonts. The key to having nice, aesthetic and interesting pictures is creativity. I know it's kind of hard to create this kind of thing at first and you tend to typically follow how people edited their photos.

Before I started this to be honest, I found them so ugly that sometimes I would delete the story that I've posted. As time past by and I've found my own aesthetic in editing, I enjoy doing every piece of it. Those nice words and praise that I received really make me want to create more.

Lastly, find your own aesthetic and be creative <3

Since this is just the basic editing ideas, would you like to learn more detail editing tutorial about the steps and how I created the pictures using the apps mentioned above? Yay or nay?